Often women act aloof in an attempt to protect themselves from disappointment when talking to a potential suitor or business client. “They don’t ask questions or appear interested,” she says, and the perceived message is quite simply that she’s not. The problem is, a person needs to receive signs of genuine interest from someone in order to pursue them.
Unfortunately, and quite often, she really is—and her distanced behavior is a self-fulfilling prophesy. To get started, there’s got to be a displayed level of interest.” At the opposite end of the conversation spectrum of don’ts is equally as dangerous: word vomit.
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“You practically have to have an Open For Business sign on your head,” says Casey. “Five or more women is considered a gaggle -- no man wants to walk into a chat room.” Falzone agrees that large groups of women can be intimidating to a man, who might feel he’s breaking up an otherwise good time.
Casey agrees that crossing your arms is always a bad idea—but that crossing your legs can be helpful, especially when used strategically.
“Crossing your legs in someone’s direction is very welcoming.” Another oft-overlooked signal of approachability on first impact is the smile.
Experts stress that while pointers on approachability may, on the surface, seem like total no-brainers, all are elements of socializing that people struggle to both recognize in themselves and correct.
Gian Gonzaga, senior director of research and development at e Harmony labs and author of the new book , is emphatic that most subconscious actions are deeply rooted in relationship insecurities.
Think over-sharing, super-touchy, hard-to-shake clingers. Both behaviors are easy to see from the outside, but for many people, they’re incredibly difficult to change.