For example: I had to take some space from a date a few months ago because I hadn’t done a good job at all creating boundaries and I found myself feeling disappointed that she wasn’t acting like my girlfriend, even though my brain knew I actually didn’t want things with her to be anything other than casual.
If you’re hoping to be casual with the dates in your life, it’s ideal if they’re also in that mental space.
That might not seem “casual,” but it was actually incredibly helpful and gave us a second chance to try dating casually, something we both want but were previously not successfully achieving.
The thing is, when the whole world is encouraging everyone to find a partner and settle down ASAP, wanting to intentionally keep things casual is a challenging position to take.
Last month I gave you a very important homework assignment: assume everyone thinks you’re hot and act accordingly. Now that we’re all at a positive baseline of self confidence and self esteem, I’d like to suggest something wild and new: casual dating for queers! I think it’s weird that We As A People pretend like we date casually, and I think that many of us would actually enjoy the fine art of a casual connection if we could just stop laughing at memes about the Urge2Merge for like, ten seconds.
If the thirst traps some of y’all keep tagging me in on Instagram (which, THANK YOU) are any indication, you took me very seriously and I am PROUD! Listen, I know it’s hilarious to make the Lesbian U-Haul joke, and I know a solid 50% of my personal text messages are friends messaging me to say they’ve found their life partner after approximately 45 minutes of a first date, and I know some people genuinely do not enjoy casual dating or casual sex and that’s all well and good (and if you genuinely don’t want to, obviously you shouldn’t and you can disregard this article and we can still love each other! I’m gonna tell you a few reasons why I personally think casual dating is rad and then we’ll go over some tips and tricks to actually pull it off.
We were both very vocal about only being available for something casual, and it seemed like we were in total agreement. Obviously everyone’s list is going to differ a little – these are just some things to consider as you get started making your very own personalized boundary list that you will then memorize and stick to! I think there’s a misconception that if something is casual it will take zero effort to maintain, but I personally have actually found the opposite to be true.