In other words, should you cut your losses now, or be patient and tolerant to see where the future will take you? But if you can think through some key relational issues and stick to some basic guidelines, you’ll have a better chance of making a good, healthy decision as you try to determine just how significant you want to make this new other in your life. Expecting to change a person that you’re dating falls into the “trying to teach a pig to sing” category.Don’t Expect to Change Someone There’s an old saying that you should never try to teach a pig to sing. The simple fact is that for 99% of us, we are who we are.So don’t expect to change the person you’re with in any fundamental way. Do Encourage Growth and Expose the Person to new Possibilities There’s nothing wrong with presenting someone with ways they can improve as a person or shake off some of the rough, so that the diamond can shine through a bit more.The key questions are your motivation, and how you go about recommending growth.
I want to know I was a chapter in your book, and you won’t forget what we shared. Friends have to talk about sex and share those sometimes embarrassing moments with each other. I’ve been thinking about how life looks with you in it for a while.
At the end of it all, you know you’re breaking up, but he insists he “still wants to be friends.”Friends, huh? Like one of those friends you play videos games with and draft your fantasy football team with? The kind of friends you only see at weddings or the ones you hang with on the reg? I liked having you on the other end of any call I made when something happened to me.
We’re “friends” who just spent the last few months -- or years -- dating and really getting to know each other. My friends haven’t seen me truly vulnerable and totally naked. Friends don’t know what positions I like or how I oddly hate morning sex. You still want me in your life but in a drastically different way. You were there for the good, the bad and hopefully not too much of the ugly.
In some ways your new relationship seems to be going pretty well.
But at the same time there are doubts that keep nagging at you.
So no matter how much a person tries to change us, we’re not going to change.