Queens College sociology professor Samuel Heilman, spoke with The New Republic about the Orthodox world’s disregard for the individual and reliance on the community in the article “Ultra-Orthodox Jews Panicked Over Shidduch Matchmaking Crisis.” Heilman explained, “It’s all about communal ties. For the women, it’s about school, the children, other mothers.If she’s not a mother, she’s nobody.” While Orthodox journalist Yossi Krausz claims that single women, “Basically, from the perspective of the community, they don’t really exist.” Maayan Jaffe-Hoffman noted in her article, “Jewish Singles are People,” too that “many singles feel isolated from and stigmatized by the Jewish community,” while many receive “second-class treatment by matchmakers.” Jaffe-Hoffman indicates, “Singles in general say they feel ill-judged by their communities simply for not being married.” Women are often blamed for their singledom, accusing that “women are not trying hard enough, not religious enough (or too religious), not pretty enough, are too fat or too picky.” Although not as drastic in the Modern Orthodox world, the Jewish community, in general, relies on the community of married families with children.Married couples and those with babies and children usually hang out with those in similar situations because they have more in common and often view single people as a threat.That philosophy crosses over into the workplaces as well, where employers promote married people, especially with children because they deem them more trustworthy and stable.Please note that the posts on The Blogs are contributed by third parties. Dating in your 30s is a nightmare, Jewish dating is worse, and a Jewish woman in her mid-30s looking for a husband is over the hill.The opinions, facts and any media content in them are presented solely by the authors, and neither The Times of Israel nor its partners assume any responsibility for them. If you have not glanced over and your eyes locked with the man of your dreams or at least your interest and you start dating you are relegated to the world of online dating, matchmakers and friends setting you up.
For Jews living in both the religious and secular worlds, their problems of dating in their thirties are doubled.Jon Birger brought the issue forward in the TIME Magazine feature in August 2015 entitled “Mormons and Jews “What 2 Religions Say About the Modern Dating Crisis” identified the Shidduch Crisis.The crisis is based on demographics, there are more young women of marriageable age, which is 18-19-years-old and up in the community’s standards than young men, who usually start getting married after they complete Yeshiva at 22-23-years-old.Rabbi Shmuley Boteach wrote an article back in 2008, “How to Fix Orthodox Jewish Dating” declaring, “The religious Jewish dating scene is severely broken.” The article might have been written in 2018 because it is still broken.
He claims the problem is “in the religious world where dating is so often dependent on third parties making introductions.” I am not as religious but the same can be said of anyone who finds it difficult to meet a potential Jewish partner, one has to rely on “professional matchmakers or friends who set them up,” and the dreaded online dating sites, which Boteach makes one appear “desperate.” In the past couple of years, there has been a Shidduch Crisis among the ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities in New York and New Jersey.The first page that appears is confusing and has too many options.